Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   better than normal. i'm abnormal

   Why does David Hasselhoff call himself "The Hoff"? Because he couldn't put up with the hassle.

   using a Magic 8 ball to answer his bosses questions.

   writing a Christmas list: Shamwow, Snuggie, Flowbee and... a Chia Pet

   n't having a smoking section in a restaurant, like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

   4 out of 5 dentists... leaves one dentist.

   Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

   Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

   No matter how little I do in a day....I always feel like I could have done less.

   "always appears a saint, when most I play the devil"

   we dont need no educashun

   looking through your bedroom window

   --------- ̿̿̿ ̿' ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ -----------

   wants to do something different today so is thinking about sitting on the TV to watch the sofa!!!..=D

   believes in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it..

   says, Love your enemies. It will confuse them!..

   Don't wait for the perfect moment...Take the moment and make it perfect...

   wondering...Do you think stores would open another resister if I brought a flame thrower in with me? I f****n hate to wait!!!!

   I drank so much vodka last night that my liver is giving me the finger!

   I wore a Michael Vick jersey to the dogpark. Yea, I'm a badass. What.