SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I feel like ever since Matthew McConaughey won the Oscar he has just been driving around in Lincolns drinking Wild Turkey
←Rate | 04-13-2017 22:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst part of working for the Department of Unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.
←Rate | 08-19-2017 11:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand why Beyonce and Jay-Z didn't name their baby 'BeJay'.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 11:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon In high school I was voted "most likely to succeed". Boy, did I prove those idiots wrong!
←Rate | 05-03-2012 11:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.
←Rate | 05-28-2013 14:52 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those fake living rooms at IKEA should have a couple in them trying to assemble IKEA furniture and fighting.
←Rate | 05-28-2013 14:53 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's be honest. The only reason I listen to my voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear.
←Rate | 07-09-2013 13:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
←Rate | 06-05-2012 15:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
←Rate | 10-23-2012 11:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're ignorant and make bad decisions.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 11:01 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Divorce---When being wrong every day for being alive isn't working for you.
←Rate | 01-16-2015 08:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.
←Rate | 09-24-2012 08:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people see me at the super market & the're like "Hey what you doing here?" & I'm just like "Oh you know hunting zebras"
←Rate | 09-20-2011 10:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like "the light is red!" and "don't text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
←Rate | 01-16-2015 08:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part of gift buying is convincing yourself you don't deserve the gift more than the person you're buying it for.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 14:03 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 15:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs..."Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"
←Rate | 02-08-2012 15:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.
←Rate | 12-29-2016 16:57 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I said make yourself at home I meant go wash my dishes.
←Rate | 01-22-2015 11:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where's my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I'm here! Under your jacket!"
←Rate | 01-30-2012 10:33 by SEAN Comments (1)  



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