MBH Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon There are few things in life more relieving than having a cop turn off the road after following you for an extended period of time.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:24 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon That psychic was terrible. She didn't even know I was going to run out without paying!
←Rate | 08-25-2010 23:17 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank you guys for the birthday wishes. And thank you Facebook for reminding them.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:09 by MBH Comments (3)  

   messageicon I was making dinner when a pan suddenly caught on fire. I don't know which is worse... the fact that I almost set my kitchen ablaze, or the fact that my first reaction was to move my beer to safety.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 05:59 by MBH Comments (1)  

   messageicon Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 05:07 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes all I'm really doing with my life is just trying to make it from one weekend to the next.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 13:13 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't think I could ever stab someone. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:08 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I'm ever on life support, pull the plug and plug it back in. See if that works.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:08 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want 'cause you're not driving.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:38 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girlfriend caught you looking at another woman? Turn to your girl and tell her that you're glad she doesn't dress like that.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:12 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!!!
←Rate | 08-30-2010 05:26 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well officer, it wasn't public urination until you started looking at me.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:18 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon You show me a giant stuffed hippopotamus at a Wal-Mart and I'd NEVER even consider buying it. But at the local county fair... I'll spend every last penny I have to be the bad ass walking to my car with it.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 06:27 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you can't say something nice, we're probably related.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:53 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yes, cute waitress, I just took a bite big enough to choke an ox, now is the perfect time for you to ask me how everything is.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:28 by MBH Comments (1)  

   messageicon My girl said today, "You shouldn't wear that shirt, it's a fall color." Woman, my clothes have two seasons - clean and dirty.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:54 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Telling the cop that you thought the voice in your GPS counted as a designated driver doesn't help your case.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 08:36 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fun idea: No kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. When you get home later that evening, go mental and ask where the child has gone.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 15:16 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon MTV has 'My Super Sweet 16' and 'When I Was 17.' What's next? 'Officer, I swear I thought she was 18?!'
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:56 by MBH Comments (1)  

   messageicon I don't care how bad I have to go, I will hold it until I'm clocked back in after lunch. If I have to be here, you WILL pay me to use the bathroom.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 18:35 by MBH Comments (0)  

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