santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch

   Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.

   An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.

   "So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?

   Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

   In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop

   Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!

   Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. You should worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. :-)

   I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.

   "Baby it's cold outside" is bad because it's about a guy is trying to get laid. "Santa Baby" is ok because it's about a girl trying to screw Santa. Got it.

   A recent study found that the possibly of work place violence increases significantly when someone puts Christmas music on the office radio in mid-November.

   Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people which is perfectly understandable.

   I believe in Santa! but I'm not so sure if he believes in me?

   I think for Christmas Mark Zuckerberg should share some of his wealth with us all we helped him make, or at least give us fonts.

   Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili's at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I've decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili's.

   The Lexus commercials with the Christmas bow on the car never show the pissed off wife yelling "You're an idiot Tom! We can't afford this!"

   Why do the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?....any scholars out there?

   FACT : If someone is playing Xmas music in October, you're legally allowed to kill them and use their corpse as a Halloween decoration.