santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.

   We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop

   All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money

   its christmas time. lets see some funnies and not democratic bull

   The Lexus commercials with the Christmas bow on the car never show the pissed off wife yelling "You're an idiot Tom! We can't afford this!"

   Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili's at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I've decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili's.

   Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it's voice activated. I'm at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number

   I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.

   Turns out Santa is the ultimate Millennial Hipster ..... He works one day a year .... and spends the rest of the year judging you.

   At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking.

   Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".

   I accidentally drank two energy drinks this morning and now my house is decorated for Christmas.

   I just saved a TON of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.

   I wrap all my Christmas gifts in bubble wrap.....it's like giving two gifts in one!

   I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung Galaxy phones.

   Well Easter is almost over, just saw Walmart employees putting up Christmas Decorations......

   I'll be home for Christmas.....and in therapy by New Years.

   PUBLIC CHRISTMAS SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT: .... Always remember, If you got a big-screen TV for Christmas, be sure to put the empty box out with your neighbor's trash. That way, their house will get robbed instead of yours.

   To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.