santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.

   Bought some pre-tangled Christmas lights to save some time this year.

   Cashier: do you want cash back? Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's ring of fire, I walk the line. Let's not forget his christmas album

   The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.

   I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!

   Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop

   We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch

   Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. You should worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. :-)

   Christmas as a child: "Socks and Money? This is ridiculous!" Christmas as an adult: "SOCKS AND MONEY? HOW DID YOU KNOW? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. I LOVE YOU"

   HOW TO WRAP PRESENTS: - Ask somebody else to wrap presents

   In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas

   Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!

   A recent study found that the possibly of work place violence increases significantly when someone puts Christmas music on the office radio in mid-November.

   Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.

   "Baby it's cold outside" is bad because it's about a guy is trying to get laid. "Santa Baby" is ok because it's about a girl trying to screw Santa. Got it.

   Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people which is perfectly understandable.

   And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.

   The holidays are always tough on me.... One year for Christmas , I made a gingerbread house that wasn't up to code & it collapsed on a tiny, little gingerbread family. Still haunts me.