santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.

   A Citizen's Arrest for the next person who asks me if I'm ready for Christmas.

   I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.

   Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.

   In line at Target when the woman behind be says to her kid "If you don't stop fussing I'm gonna make you spend christmas with this man" and then points at me causing him to cry harder

   The dollar tree has motion sensor Christmas ornaments that blast jingle bells in case your family doesn't already hate you...

   HOW TO WRAP PRESENTS: - Ask somebody else to wrap presents

   The holidays are always tough on me.... One year for Christmas , I made a gingerbread house that wasn't up to code & it collapsed on a tiny, little gingerbread family. Still haunts me.

   You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas tree by the lines of duct tape around the box it's stored in.

   Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is to know what rhymes with "Hug me" Love, Robin Thicke

   me: [listening to The Twelve Days of Christmas] "no person wants this many birds"

   Christmas as a child: "Socks and Money? This is ridiculous!" Christmas as an adult: "SOCKS AND MONEY? HOW DID YOU KNOW? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. I LOVE YOU"

   Trying to remember where I hid all of my kids' gifts will be the real Christmas miracle.

   "Sorry about your dress." "Sorry about the nudity." "Sorry I kept calling your wife sir." - Me, the day after the office Christmas party.

   The toughest test in a marriage is interpreting the statement, "Don't get me anything for Christmas."

   I wasn't allowed to watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" as a kid because of my Peanut allergy.

   If Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie why do I spend the holidays hiding in the vents of my workplace?

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop