lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon it's a jungle out there and I ain't lion!
←Rate | 04-22-2015 18:37 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The spider in my shower was probably relieved to get washed down the drain after the view of me he got from that angle.
←Rate | 01-12-2013 14:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reasons people claim to be gay: 3% - are actually gay 97% - forgot to log out of facebook
←Rate | 06-13-2012 20:43 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is like a p*nis, it's short but it seems so long when it gets hard.
←Rate | 06-02-2012 22:28 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hear someone's going around stealing all the coffee from the poor. I don't know how he can sleep at night,
←Rate | 06-02-2012 22:18 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought. Then I realised I'd left the "R" out.
←Rate | 04-10-2012 07:34 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music from the internet.
←Rate | 05-01-2011 17:44 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I must be allergic to peanuts. I break into a rash every payday.
←Rate | 04-26-2011 14:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to find your phone when its on silent is one of life`s hardest tasks.
←Rate | 04-25-2011 12:05 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
←Rate | 03-22-2011 14:28 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon BBC News: AMERICA TO SEND 2 NUCLEAR EXPERTS TO JAPAN. The last time they sent "Nuclear Experts" to Japan, they killed 105,000 people...
←Rate | 03-13-2011 16:36 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If God had wanted you to talk more than listen, he would have given you two mouths and one ear.
←Rate | 03-13-2011 15:24 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's International Womens Day and I don't know why men are so upset . They have their own day too : Palm Sunday.
←Rate | 03-08-2011 12:08 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon BBC News: "Ice Cream Company Launches Breast Milk Flavoured Ice Cream". I wonder if they will be doing raspberry nipple.
←Rate | 02-25-2011 13:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.
←Rate | 02-24-2011 13:35 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm searching Facebook for people named Hontas, just because I think it would be cool… to poke a Hontas.
←Rate | 02-24-2011 13:34 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tomorrow Facebook will change its settings to allow zombies to come into your house while you sleep & eat your brains with a sharpened spoon. To stop this from happening go to Accounts/Home Invasion Settings/Cannibalism/Brains & un-check the "Tasty" box.
←Rate | 02-15-2011 09:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon First she wears a dress made from raw meat and now she arrives at the Grammys in a giant egg. I can't watch any more. My cholesterol level keeps going up.
←Rate | 02-14-2011 15:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Valentines day. Where nookie is only a box of chocolates away.
←Rate | 02-14-2011 15:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the car radio as they trick me when i'm driving.
←Rate | 02-11-2011 13:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


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