Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 15:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks ago and it still hurts. I can’t believe it’s not better.
←Rate | 10-12-2020 14:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't approve of poll-little-cow jokes, I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So you took pictures of fireworks tonight? Post all 50 of them- we really want to see!
←Rate | 07-04-2018 23:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 20:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We are very lucky that out of all the bodily functions that could have been contagious we got yawning.
←Rate | 10-24-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Get rid of the "quality check" section on the Domino's pizza tracker. I know what I'm getting myself into here.
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish my car's back-up camera had a "Save" button, because some of the expressions on their faces.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 12:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't mean to like your selfie I was just trying to get dried salsa off my phone.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 13:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The CDC recommends wearing a blindfold so you can’t see what’s really going on.
←Rate | 08-02-2021 05:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mexican words of the day: Bishop and Lysol. “Would you please shut this Kamala Bishop, she Lysol the time.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People in ancient times believed that they were responsible for the changing climate. (human sacrifice to the gods) I’m so glad that we have advanced enough that we don’t believe in that nonsense anymore.
←Rate | 05-28-2021 02:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Elevator music bothers me on many levels
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
←Rate | 12-08-2017 11:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:27 by Markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are petting a small dog in your lap, it is important to let everyone else in the zoom meeting know what you are doing with your hand.
←Rate | 01-11-2021 08:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realize half way through that you’re going to need crayons to explain it to them?
←Rate | 04-22-2021 09:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blackened Chicken Recipe: 1. Clean chicken 2. Place chicken in oven 3. Go check social media
←Rate | 05-06-2021 05:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had a lazy eye as a child and now the rest of my body has caught up.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 08:56 Comments (0)  

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