JCGJ Funny Status Messages

   BREAKING: Ed the Zebra spotted in Sunrise, FL. Witnesses say he distracted the Panthers long enough for the Oilers to sneak in an OT winner. Sources confirm he’s now demanding a Stanley Cup ring.

   Ed the zebra galloped across Tennessee. The Oilers galloped across Florida’s defense. Both ended up airborne—one in a helicopter, the other in OT euphoria.

   BREAKING: The Edmonton Oilers just pulled an Ed the Zebra—broke loose, dodged the Florida Panthers, and soared into OT glory like they were being airlifted out of Florida.

   Due to lack of punch buggies on the road nowadays, the new game is Tesla Sass Slap.

   It takes a very special idiot to drive the worlds largest economy off a cliff in 7 weeks

   It's every man's desire to have their butt kicked by a woman. I am living proof of that.

   Tried using AI to create art. Now I have a picture of a horse with three legs and a coffee addiction. Modern tech is amazing!

   Marked safe from the U.S. banning TikTok. Meanwhile, Canadians are over here wondering if we should just adopt your TikTok refugees

   2024 Recap Fatigue: “Another ‘Top 10 TikTok Trends of 2024’ list just dropped. Spoiler: We’re all tired of them. Except that one trend… you know the one.

   Taylor Swift on the News Again: “Breaking: Taylor Swift announces New Year’s resolution to release 12 albums in 2025. Swifties are now legally required to take out Taylor-themed mortgages.

   Dear Eric, Canada isn’t for sale. But feel free to borrow some Canadian snow to cool down your dad’s hot air.

   If you see me in the next few days, just assume I’m either shopping, wrapping, baking, or pretending I’m not panicking.

   The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to wrap everything you own in tinsel and hope for the best.

   I swear I can feel my brain buffering... please hold while I load my next thought!

   I’ve been on Facebook forever! I remember when we had to plow our fields in FarmVille by hand—virtually, of course!

   Back in my day, we didn’t scroll—we farmed! I remember when this was all FarmVille.

   Just accidentally swiped right on my ex's profile while scrolling through Tinder. My thumb must have been possessed by the ghost of relationship past. Had to perform some emergency thumb CPR to swipe left!

   Hello 911 a straight man is encouraging me to be my best self instead of bringing out the worst in me and idk what to do, send help.

   20 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Jonny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

   Boop Bop Beeda Beep Boop Lop Bee eezz ... YOU'VE GOT MAIL !! 📭😁