Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that marriage should be between a person who don’t like pickles and another person who will eat that pickle.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rule number #1: F*kc what they think.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I owned a taser, I’d probably get curious to see how it feels and taser myself… and that’s why I don’t own a taser.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’ve got bitemarks all over my tongue from all the things that I didn’t say.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: What is this pile of clothes on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. Her: I h*te you. Me: Yes, use your h*te.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could have avoided by just being an a$$h*le?
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you find out she’s a little crazy, but now you like her even more.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people won’t admit their faults. I would, if I had any.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.
←Rate | 02-26-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now.
←Rate | 07-12-2021 16:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Modern problems require…. You know… the thing!
←Rate | 07-26-2021 18:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Them: Did you adopt your cat? Me: No, it’s my biological cat.
←Rate | 07-01-2021 05:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes you meet someone, and you know from the first moment that you want to spend your whole life without them.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jury Duty is where the government calls you when they want and says, "Hey Bro, we need you to solve a murder, here's $15.00."
←Rate | 07-27-2021 15:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you get when a topless blond rubs sunscreen on a topless brunette? Your camera.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twenty years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All of the mosquitos in my yard just received the Moderna vaccine.
←Rate | 07-07-2021 02:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The most blatant way to flaunt wealth, is to shoot a box of ammo at a plywood target.
←Rate | 06-06-2021 04:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blood is red, ultraviolet lights are blue, I’ve seen enough murder shows, they will never find you.
←Rate | 06-29-2021 05:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I miss the good ol days… when everybody wasn’t such an overly sensitive twit.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:55 Comments (0)  

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