Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I’m starting to get to the age where I need a well thought out plan in order to stand up.
←Rate | 04-12-2021 11:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon can whoever turned off the bermuda triangle please turn it back on again thanks
←Rate | 04-12-2021 11:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My therapist told me I need to take the time to find myself. Took me all of 5 minutes. There was a mirror in the bathroom. Who's the smart one now Doc?
←Rate | 04-06-2021 19:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you guys miss me yet?
←Rate | 02-28-2021 14:44 by @DonaldJT Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.
←Rate | 02-26-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “can we contact your previous employer to find out what you were like on the job?” sure as long as I can contact your previous employee to find out what you did to drive them away
←Rate | 04-02-2021 14:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm on two diets now. I wasn't getting nearly enough food on one diet...
←Rate | 04-02-2021 08:46 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
←Rate | 12-08-2017 11:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
←Rate | 07-12-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
←Rate | 05-31-2020 09:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pro tip: Fill the piñata with ketchup and you never have to host a children’s birthday party again. You’re welcome
←Rate | 10-06-2020 08:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.
←Rate | 12-04-2019 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I started homeschooling today. So far two students are suspended and the teacher was fired for drinking on the job...
←Rate | 03-18-2020 09:32 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are all the non essential oils out of work now?.
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Going outside to vacuum the driveway. I do this every so often... just to ensure the neighbors never talk to me...
←Rate | 12-05-2020 10:08 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've decided to buy a Dallas Cowboys Covid mask. That way I know I won't catch anything.
←Rate | 12-09-2020 10:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am not usually one to brag, but I was able to get my daily recommended calorie intake for weight loss down in just one sitting!
←Rate | 04-25-2017 15:38 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
←Rate | 07-31-2018 09:19 Comments (0)  

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