Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Does anyone know how long you can put chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.
←Rate | 02-26-2021 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon These mask mandates just made ventriloquism a lot easier.
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m so competitive, I don’t let anyone ruin my life more than I do.
←Rate | 08-02-2021 05:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We lost our culture around the time we stopped smoking Marlboro Reds and started vaping strawberry cheesecake.
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon October is about trees revealing colors they’ve hidden all year. People have an October as well.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Starting a new job feels like you’re a new character on the ninth season of a tv show.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want my paychecks in pennies so I can swim in it like Scrooge McDuck.
←Rate | 07-30-2021 06:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people won’t admit their faults. I would, if I had any.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’ve got bitemarks all over my tongue from all the things that I didn’t say.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m vaccinated, but I still want you to stay away from me.
←Rate | 08-05-2021 17:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I owned a taser, I’d probably get curious to see how it feels and taser myself… and that’s why I don’t own a taser.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tradition (n.) Peer pressure from dead people.
←Rate | 08-05-2021 04:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Television is the monster in your home, and it’s called a program for a reason. It has been designed to psychologically change the ways that you view reality.
←Rate | 06-07-2021 03:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blood is red, ultraviolet lights are blue, I’ve seen enough murder shows, they will never find you.
←Rate | 06-29-2021 05:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could have avoided by just being an a$$h*le?
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you find out she’s a little crazy, but now you like her even more.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’ve never lost your mind, you’ve never followed your heart.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Masks are the new bra. They’re uncomfortable; you only wear them in public, and when you don’t wear one, everyone notices.
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you believe in the “here after?” Then you know what I’m here after.
←Rate | 08-03-2021 20:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: What is this pile of clothes on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. Her: I h*te you. Me: Yes, use your h*te.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 03:21 Comments (0)  

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