MDS Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:43 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbor using it.
←Rate | 02-07-2018 10:28 by MDS Comments (1)  

   messageicon I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 07:30 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dave came into the bar last night visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much, quit counting them
←Rate | 02-10-2018 08:13 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Movie Theater Tip: When you go to a movie the first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you, so nobody can sit there.
←Rate | 01-24-2020 09:08 by MDS Comments (1)  

   messageicon What a shock! ..Got a letter in the mail that read "If you ever want to see you're wife alive again, leave $50,000 in unmarked bills in the trash can on Chester Blvd". Seriously, does no one know the difference between "your" and "you're" anymore?
←Rate | 01-16-2018 10:35 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won't need to adjust her driving.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 08:21 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think my neighbors just cut down all their trees, just so they could get a better glimpse of me spying on them.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 17:58 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been eating so much during the lockdown. I'm starting to get a tan from the fridge light.
←Rate | 04-10-2020 14:38 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Good thing it's Valentines day, cause I woke up with a massive heart on!
←Rate | 02-14-2013 07:43 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Walmart needs a new parking sign "Just Lazy"
←Rate | 10-13-2013 12:25 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic's, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
←Rate | 02-09-2018 17:08 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I'm gonna be pretty good at it.
←Rate | 04-08-2013 15:19 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon *Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 95.
←Rate | 04-13-2013 14:47 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press 1?" So I did. I don't remember much afterwards.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 12:30 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when people say 'You don't need alcohol to have fun.' You don't need shoes to walk on gravel, but they help.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 07:48 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, I've noticed that your superpower is the ability to create drama out of absolutely nothing.
←Rate | 03-08-2013 08:20 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon it's funny how gas can drop $10.00 a barrel and the price at the pump stays the same for a week or so, but if it goes up a dollar the price at the pump jumps right away.. that's just F'd up, if you ask me.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 04:04 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I Went to the Valentine's day parade downtown, it was nothing more than a drunk guy wandering around with heart on.
←Rate | 02-14-2018 16:45 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
←Rate | 02-25-2018 13:10 by MDS Comments (0)  

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