Fazzy Funny Status Messages

   My neighbor's daughter came up to me and asked, "Do you know you have a skeleton inside you?" I said, "Yes, Rebecca. I do!" She goes, "Is he mean?"

   I'd like to take a moment to congratulate the Ieft on their conquering 2 cartoons, a box of pancake mix and a bottle of syrup.

   Due to social correctness, BIack Sabbath will now be called, "A Dark Shade Of The Day Of Rest."

   Some people are like bees. They bring honey, but they also sting. 🐝

   Popeye's Chicken is offensive to guys who have ridiculously large forearms with anchors tattooed on them and really skinny girlfriends.

   Lego is offensive to people with bad knees.

   I called the book store and asked for some new book I had heard about on improving one's s€x life. The clerk said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." I go, "Yep, that's the one!"

   I'm preemptively preparing for the upcoming pancake shortage. 🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞� �🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞🥞

   Me: "I'll have a large coffee, no cream." Coffee guy: "We ain't got no cream, hows about with no milk?"

   Who cares about Elmer Fudd's rifle. I'm way more concerned about them taking Marvin the Martian's Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.🗼

   95% of my news feed is now agenda driven. The other 5% is: "There's a bed and a chair in a room. If someone enters the room, how many pancakes each did the seat cushion and the mattress eat?

   I'm into body building. When you consider that the body I built is a rotunda.

   Despite what you may think, a unicorn isn't the most magical animal. A pig is. You feed it slop, it makes bacon. It's magic I tell you.

   For a year numbered 2020, it's amazing how blind some folks can be.

   Will the last person to leave NY remember to bring a pizza?

   You know. The world would be a happier place if everyone had the same sense of humor as the guy who named his supermarket chain Piggly Wiggly.

   Q. What's in the toilet of the USS Enterprise? A. The Captain's log.

   The only thing worse than not getting a joke, is being offended by one.

   Pretending that looters, rioters, assaulters and arsonists are "peaceful protesters" does not make you look like a sympathizer. It makes you look like an id!ot..

   If someone can explain to me how stealing and destroying is a panacea for easing racial tensions, I'm all ears.