Fazzy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I haven't watched this much TV since the "All Day Saturday Cartoon Marathon" when I was 8.
←Rate | 03-31-2020 19:55 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Coronavirus has me upset to the point where I've lost weight... 20 lbs total! I have no appetite whatsoever so this thing needs to go away. But not just yet. I want to lose another 30.
←Rate | 03-30-2020 21:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night I made the last of the dishes on the Huffington Post list of "25 Foods You Have To Eat Before You Die." So I guess this is goodbye.
←Rate | 03-27-2020 07:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon All of us are tools to some degree. It's just that some are jackhammers and some are 1/4" nut drivers.
←Rate | 03-25-2020 09:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon This isolation was getting to me, so yesterday I decided to go jogging. Big mistake. My thighs kept rubbing together and my legs caught on fire.
←Rate | 03-25-2020 07:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided that throughout this Coronavirus ordeal; especially to those at home practicing Social Distancing, the term "calories" regarding all foods shall now be referred to as "Boredom Alleviation Points."
←Rate | 03-19-2020 07:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a magician. An overweight magician. My most famous trick is putting on a Speedo and having it disappear instantly.
←Rate | 03-18-2020 12:23 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a sore throat, a headache and a dry cough. We all know what that means. I'm never buying weed from Alowishus Jackson again.
←Rate | 03-18-2020 06:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Media in a nutshell... On the Flu: "It's going around." On the Coronavirus: It's coming after you, and it's coming hard! Bet on it!"
←Rate | 03-16-2020 14:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon How effective is the absorbency of an oak leaf? Asking for a squirrel.
←Rate | 03-15-2020 08:58 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so used to ending phone calls with family and friends by saying "I love you", that I accidentally said it to the female agent at Spectrum. Anyway, she gave me 6 months of free internet and HBO.
←Rate | 03-15-2020 07:07 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.
←Rate | 03-11-2020 10:45 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has a 24 pack of Charmin Extra Soft. Willing to trade for a bottle of Imodium A-D.
←Rate | 03-10-2020 05:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some guy: "Bro, I got a limo for me and my friends! In your face!" Me: "Wow. You have 90 dollars."
←Rate | 03-08-2020 13:52 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got an air fryer because it's healthier. Of course along with my air fried pork chops I had 5 lbs of mashed potatoes with a stick of butter and a Key Lime Pie for dessert.
←Rate | 03-08-2020 13:37 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Virus or no virus, cruises hold no appeal for me. It's akin to a 5 star house arrest that's centered around overeating, which I can do quite well in the comfort of my own home.
←Rate | 03-08-2020 10:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who's the most popular guy at the nudist camp? The one carrying two pots of coffee and a dozen donuts.
←Rate | 03-07-2020 20:05 by Fazzy Comments (1)  


   messageicon This Coronavirus is putting me through Purell.
←Rate | 03-07-2020 11:44 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daylight Saving Time arrives tomorrow. Gimme a break. Know what? I give it 8 months.
←Rate | 03-07-2020 06:26 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Media sensationalism is playing a role in the Coronavirus. Still, the virus is nothing to sneeze about. (See what I did there?)
←Rate | 02-29-2020 11:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  




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