Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.
←Rate | 01-11-2023 00:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in face, but with words.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could really go for a pinata right about now. I’d love to beat the crap out of something and then have some candy.
←Rate | 07-04-2022 02:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a woman says, “my nipples are pierced,” the correct response is, I don’t believe you.
←Rate | 05-17-2022 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’
←Rate | 05-21-2022 03:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Explaining bedtime to the kids: “It’s not about how tired you are, it’s about how tired you’re making everyone else.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I live at work and visit the house sometimes.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every day is a half day, if you just leave.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You learn nothing from life if you think that you’re right all the time.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When we were young, we were given the impression that strangers would offer us drugs much more often than has happened in real life.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 11:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hope this e-mail doesn’t find you. Hope you’ve escaped and are free.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 00:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The trash gets picked up tomorrow, be ready.
←Rate | 07-07-2022 00:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Putting groceries in the freezer is like Tetris, taking them out is like Jenga.
←Rate | 01-11-2023 00:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There’s no water in hell, only a bunch of sick jokes about pee-pees.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 10:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your face makes onions cry.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congratulations, everyone who heard what you just said had their IQ drop 90 points.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before Therapy: I hate people. After Therapy: I feel good about hating people.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:58 Comments (0)  




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