Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In my family, we always celebrate 11/11/11 on the evening of 11/10/11. Like they did in the Bible.

   Some people seem to have an issue with the responsibility of being trusted.

   F#ck annoying! its irrelevant.

   nursing his a55 from the pain left by all those bites from life!

   Human nature is demonstrated perfectly by our eagerness to chant "Air ball!" in unison.

   "just like a prayer" i'm hopeing madonna dosen't have a "wardrobe malfunction"....nobody wants to see that madge!!!!

   thanks facebook. now I can get a pic of candy instead of somethin I can actually f#kin eat!

   It's always awkward to wake up at 5 am and t-pain is sitting on the edge of your bed..

   Watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Perverted Mind" Ooops, I guess that is Spotless Mind.... Wonder where I got that Perverted from?????

   Do you think the other planets are mean and make Jupiter cry by calling him fat?

   that girl will take a wiener to the grill like a hot dog stand

   stayed up that late to watch douche bags get 123 at daytona... Terrible!

   If it wasn't for twitter I wouldn't have any friends at all. Oh right, that's Facebook. Well, who are you guys?

   I like to see one of my own occassional jokes ending up on the 1st page :)

   What is it with all Highways across America where once grown men get on there.. they are immediately obsessed with sticking their finger up their nose to their 2nd Knuckle ?

   F a New Years Resolution, I want another year to goof off.

   its how funny how you can tell some people cant spell. "they speak into the phone"

   there really a benefit to listening to a Hip Hop CD in shuffle mode?

   I hate it when friends talk to people you have been with or had things with... It's like bros before hoes has no meaning at all these days.

   went to the track today..I never knew only mexicans can sweep up losing tickets...hmmmmm