Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's so hot that I've been sweating more than a drug smuggler going through coustoms.

   Men.... Try role reversal in bed with your wife. And you have the headache for once.

   "Read a weather book about rainbows called Rainbows by Sunny Showers."

   Scary movie called the Nun is coming out. Nun of the movie is scarier than the previous movie The Priest

   What does it mean when you drink an entire bottle of gin by yourself?

   I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”

   Ya OK .... The extent of my being a real tough assed dude .... Is kinda limited to humming "Bad to the Bone!" ..... While eating my smoked baby back ribs. Like I say .... I'm a real Tough Ass!!!

   A woman looked DEEP into my eyes today, I was feeling it, then she ruined it by saying I needed glasses.

   I wish that Toyota girl would go places.

   It’s all fun & games until feelings & emotions get involved then it becomes life.

   Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you break the monotony.

   I want to see a volcano erupt because I have an interest in geology. I want to see one erupt under your house because you're an a$$hole

   1million bucks from the new fantasy game doesn't go far. gas alone gonna take half when you buy any car.

   regretting his decision to celebrate hump day by getting a camel tattooed on his big toe!

   pounding vicobeer at 11 in the morning!

   Why man up when you can down a margarita?

   If some of you all put your heads together..We would only get some dandruff.

   just been given two weeks to live.The girlfriends gone away for a fortnight.

   I finally know what I wana be for Halloween this year....18 Again! How scary would that be!

   It is amazing how life is full of the most beautiful things, some people see them as beautiful and bright, some see them as dark and mysterious, is there always a bright light at the end? I'm just glad I can see them!