Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why fat people like chips chocolate and fast food ..it makes them HAPPY..!!!

   If you didn't hear "I'm hungry" or "workout" then I didn't hear "premature ejaculation" or " get a job"

   heard there is a new youth football league being formed... It's gonna be called Sandusky League.... Some full contact but mostly two hand touch !!!!

   n't it weird to think that while you read this, Glenn Beck is somewhere crying right now?

   my friend saif "I don't give a sh*t about Christmas, Easter and New Years", but I do give a sh*t...So he is going to be very surprised by the type of Easter Egg I give him tomorrow. It's cheaper than chocolate anyway!

   This B1tch got "SNGL MOM" on her License Plates.. Basically she just gave up on Love all together!

   I advise you, don't mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.

   If that old woman who lived in a shoe lived in one of mine she would have slit her wrists and died shortly after moving in.

   I just threw a D battery through my neighbor's window because he played 2 Sublime songs in a row.

   Goku had died and been ressurrected so many times it would make a Hindu dizzy.

   I must love my work...I love to sit and stare at it for hours....that's love right????

   "London Resident will have stationed on their rooftops batteries of surface to air missiles during the Olympics" ...What the hell are the expecting? The London Blitz of 2012?

   Had to lift both feet on the toilet today......it was awesome!!!

   I like songs that list a lot of things then have a chorus about the end of the world that's on fire as we know it & it's always burning.

   Some days I think I should start seriously dating again.. But the last time I got dumped by a girlfriend, I hijacked a taco truck & lived in a forest preserve for 3 months. Soo What I'm trying to say is I'm a survivor dammit!!

   ...just here baking in my own dutch oven... curse you taco bell!

   Oi DI#KHEAD!! If you can read this..Can you please let me know..coz it means I blocked the wrong person..Sorry bud..I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline cr#p!!

   save your dinner pics for match . com not facebook, maybe you can score a fat date...loser

   You can't have at(tit)ude without the tit

   Does anyone know if there is an age limit to join the U.S Space Force? I think I would look good with a helmet on!