Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bite my own lip because I can't bite yours.

   FarmVille 2 ... Because you're a sequel wanting twat.

   People told me I need to go out more often!But the true is I need to shut up more often !

   Now FaceBook is putting how many hours ago someone poked you? Like I'm supposed to wake up all bruised and stuff and wonder...no, wait - bad analogy there...

   You don't have to be smart, good looking or wealthy to make someone happy.

   Jealous? You can't say that just cause I murdered a couple of guys who spoke to you. Oh all of them? Ok let's not focus on the details here.

   I should should just move into a bar. It would save me a lot of time plus I’m always at one anyway.

   I wonder if smart cars are even street legal.

   Given that you can be anything you want on the Internet... I really don't understand why so many women portray themselves as skeeO's

   Confession: sometimes, right at the moment of climax, I forget about Dre.

   Some things are better left unfed or ignored.

   Life is like a high tide....But no matter how low or high the tide is, we gotta keep on surfing. The tide is high and I'm moving on!!

   just broke his taint. With no insurance. Worse Day Ever!!!!

   I miss Doo Dads and the little peanuts

   Had to go to a photo chop shop to get a good price on a new nose. I look amazing now!

   Adele wrote the last chapter in my life. I believe I will have Katy Perry write the next !

   If you have fake eyelashes,weave,make up, and drawn on eyebrows... you not a bad chick you a created player

   Didn we all love Kinder... where the hardest decision was picking a crayon

   I just went to go visit Miss Cleo in prison so she could give me the winning mega million numbers. For five easy payments of $ 10 million dollars you too can have the numbers.

   What's the difference between Tango and Rohypnol? You know when you've been Tangoed.