Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why was Tigger looking into the toilet. He was looking for Pooh

   Wrigley Field... this joke speaks for itself.

   Told my son, If you hit a game-ending home run it just seems polite to go ahead and pick up the bases as you go around.

   To all d jerks & dbags, y'all are like clouds. When y'all disappear, it's a brighter day.

   wheres my money trick : (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻ *flips table*

   I gotta take better care of myself. Today at the park a guy asked me if I would pretend to be his son from the future to scare him into eating right.

   this just in....Florida is flooding due to all the tears from devastated Florida fans

   I'm smart enough to know that the president has nothing to do with the setting of gas prices. I wish a lot of others can say that.

   When I was born they were probably like “He’ll stop crying soon” yet here I am

   The older I get the more companies are making the lids on jars tighter.

   Trudeau is having his goons physically harm Canadians and steal their money, all in the name of protecting their health.

   Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I have a Gun , get in the Van

   Guran is a copy of Bible and Bible is a copy of another old book.; look at that much plagiarism.

   f I owned a horse I'd name it before riding through a desert.

   If you elect a president who had the nerve to fire Lil Jon in Celebrity Apprentice season 4, episode 12, you should have anticipated his disastrous foreign policy.

   Whats the cheapest way to build a wall? Asking for my President......

   You look like the kind of person who replies to a meme with a meme

   I taught myself how to drive by playing GTA San Andreas! THUG LIFE

   Jennifer Lopez got "On The Floor" and Marc Anthony let it "Rain Over Her."

   iDead..Rest in Peace Steve Jobs...you created great machines I can't afford :[