Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I ever come back to life as an appliance, I hope it's not as a refrigerator. I bet it's pretty annoying the way people try to cram all those magnets and pictures on you.

   playing hide and seek with Chilean pitworkers. Damn.., they are good at this game

   going to pounce on you like a spider-monkey on crack

   c[_] <- this a cup of HTFU. drink it and get on with it

   Today is National Unfriend Day... but what if mother won't let me unfriend?

   Face book keeps trying to get me to "meet up with local singles" I'm thinking how about NO Scott. seems to me like that could easily turn out to be a really really bad decision. lol watch out!! that beautiful 5'10 blonde with blue eyes might really be a 4

   Santa Claus uses slave labor. The elves are beaten every time a toy breaks. They have tried to organize, but Santa always sends in a goon squad to disrupt them. If you are against elf abuse and support their right to organize, please change your profile p

   flying without wings... after discovering beans and onion together~

   If uve ever noticed this notice you will probably notice that this notice was not worth noticing.......:P

   You are so pathetic that Tom wont even be friends with you on myspace.

   I've been thinking about walking away from everything and becoming an annoying J3W.

   says looks like Phil won't be seeing anymore of his shadow anymore....PHILip Seymour Hoffman that is.

   If I put bricks on top of my oven... Is that considered "Brick Oven Pizza?"

   Doc: I have good news and bad news. Me: Bad news first Doc: The bad news is you're dying. Me: And the good news? Doc: The wifi is back up.

   I need to work on my texting. I text a girl C- U- N- T....... I meant..." see you next Thursday" and now she is not speaking to me.

   Derek Jeter sent a gift basket to Adam Wainwright's room last night.

   Prince's greatest hits now under twenty quid, so tonight I'm going to party like it's £19.99.

   I want to be loved like white guys love khaki shorts

   Word of the Day: Ammosexual - A Liberal who believes in the Second Amendment

   OK WHERE CAN I EAT AT AND NOT PISS EVERYBODY OFF?