Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Only half an hour to Republic day. Hope you all are photoshopping your DP with the tricolor background already.

   Internet thugs, they all need hugs.

   never play a player, because you wont see you've lost till suddenly you've lost everything

   A successful diet means no longer caring "who stole the cookie from the cookie jar!"

   Frankincense: an aromatic resin used since ancient times in religious rites. Do not confuse with Frankincense's Monster, an affront to God.

   Does anyone really "Laugh Out Loud" when they write LOL?

   I eat all my food doggy style.

   BOSS: Built On Self Success.

   I can wake up at random intervals, crying and hungry too, so screw you babies.

   No matter what they take from me, I'm pretty sure drugs took my dignity...

   nothing says I love you like saying, "if I cant have you , no one can" and demanding a reply with a .38 special

   If you guys ever visit NASA don't go on the Sally Ride.

   If you took this pill and died, please call the retard lawgroup at 1-800-dead-duh

   today is an agorophobic pedophiles wet dream

   I want to rap with Dr. Dre, I want to smoke with Snoop Dogg, and I want to burn a house with Eminem.

   a single chest hair doesn't mean you're grown. if you have to write how manly you are, you're not manly

   Women are never happy are they? I make her bacon and eggs in bed and all she can say is, "Get that f-kin cooker back downstairs now!"

   Family that smokes together is called a JOINT Family

   Would be a good day to golf but the old trick knee is acting up from the injuries I sustained in my college years as a star quarterback.

   My solar powered car coasted to a stop. "What luck!" I spat. The sun had just set. In Vampireville. - (excerpt from my e-book.)