Funny Status Messages

   Its so cold I had to rub two ice cubes together to start a fire

   Caroline Kennedy has been appointed as the new U.S. Ambassador to Japan. You'd think after all these years we'd stop trying to avenge Pearl Harbor.

   Oscars so white, Xbox Live wont let them be a player BLACK ops

   I made my own wine so I should have to pay less - Jesus, when the bill came at the last supper, probably

   I just found out that doves don’t even have tear ducts. Now … I … I just … my whole life has been a lie.

   the motion detector in my bedroom is turned on and it never goes off.

   Am I the only one that finds these new old spice commercials god damn annoying?

   this is lame as f***

   My legs are so white they signed their kids up for way too many extra-curricular activities.

   I bet a spider has a great "web sight"!!

   Anyone care to discuss Noblium....No??

   tis the month of graduations... and they STILL refuse to take my Star Wars graduation theme idea. Jedi robes instead of gowns, lightsabers... and I would LOVE to attend a Chewbaccalaureate service!

   You lost me at I had a yeast infection last week. Then I thought well she could make me a sandwhich

   I've never bei have never been interrogated, but I have ordered a sandwich at subway, so I think I'm ready

   I chewed my gum for so long, it completely lost it's sweetness, elasticity and turned into goop. So I spit it out. Now I know how all the ladies feel.

   froget the world ending in 2012 , my inspection sticker ends in 2012!!

   NICE GILL MORGAN... WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.

   thinks they should make one of those laser pointer things that instantly detect STD's so you can point it at people when they try to shake your hand or hug you.

   12/21/12 falls on a Friday. Looks like the world's had enough of Rebecca Black.

   The other day I went for a job interview, do you think it was a bad idea to ask if they ever press charges?