Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This ugly person told me "I need my beauty sleep" I was think they really need to hibernate

   But in other news.... Etchy Sketches Stocks Went up ever since Romney's spokesman said He'll have to go back to the drawing board.

   CheapEasyFast is for Traffic School not your women

   Apparently women who go off the pill may become less attractive to their significant other. Who knew the pill was like beer goggles.

   Come on everybody! Let's go to the beach today!

   theres not many things funnier than a tranny in transition tryin to look all fancy with a crappy wig

   Happy Friday dance ‎(((( ( • why • ) )))) shake'em

   Just seen on CNN that Godzilla throwed up all over the philippines

   I can't believe no one likes my show idea about a bunch of undead bathroom remodelers called “The Caulking Dead”.

   Ur not a gangster just cuz you spent money gettin sleeved up at the shop homeboy... And neither am I!!!!

   looking forward to being embarrassed tomorrow...

   classified ad in newfoundland newspaper: for sale one large living room window, only looked through twice.

   I'll try and not get stopped at the Airport this year with a Batman Knuckle Duster in the case.

   Don't download the new Helen Keller ringtone. The volume on my phone was all the way up and I still missed 7 calls yesterday.

   So Last night.. The pizza man left my house and asked me for a tip.. I told him "Don't Trust These Hoes"

   If you thought the waitress gave you excellent service, is a 20% tip appropriate? How about a slap on the ass?

   If fireworks are illegal in your neighborhood, just pick up a couple burritos from Taco bell and wait a little bit...

   "I have never regretted my silence. As for my speech, I have regretted it over and over again."- Umar Ibn Al-Khattab

   Serta has an icomfort mattress trying to emulate ipad, ipod imac. What's with adding an I that makes a mattress better. It doesn't, icall that a bunch of bull$hit. . .

   Stoner dudette, those were days ago