Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Mediocre people do mediocre things.

   The best feeling in the world: When your teacher/lecturer announces that he won't be coming to school tomorrow.

   A sure way to be disappointed is to trust easily without verifying.

   Look, Do you think I'll now what's up in "Horny Neighbors 3" without seeing the first 2?

   I think Stephen Hawking would be alive today if his family had called an ambulance and not taken him to PC World?

   what do you call it when a mom orders combo #5? ...mombo number 5 (now you're singing it)

   Do you know who I think I'am?

   Thank you for all your kind messages on my birthday.....and thank you Facebook for reminding them.

   Its a little frustrating how my speakerphone literally types everything I say exclamation mark

   my girlfriend thinks I am in capable of being faithful my wife on the other hand.

   NEWS FLASH! I was hired to proof read the original 10 Commandments. Well let me tell you that I found a big mistake with #7. It should have read: Thou shalt not omit adultery.

   Google "African awareness dance for corona" and don't spread rumors.

   not even a virus outbreak can help yall come up with good stuff

   Hear me out, a leaf blower, but for people.

   If it has yellow and black stripes, I run the other way, fast!

   “Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”

   make america a vast wilderness again

   KARMARIFIC : My new word For when karma gets someone so sweetly ..It's Karmarific !

   ou do Waiters in the Restaurant always ask you as soon as you enter,"Would You Like a Table Sir?” … “No not at all, I came to the Restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please.”

   If your #PMSing wife hands you #lemons, you better zest them or make lemonade or she'll stab you & squeeze lemon juice into the open wound.