Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I thought smoking at the Vatican was prohibited 0_o clearly a violated rule with the white smoke that's coming out now :-p

   Watching the women's MAC championship. I'm just going to assume that the bulge in the front of their shorts is just a balled up tube sock.

   Lately I realized that appreciation does to me what spinach did to Popeye!

   anybody else worried about this North Korea threat. I've been nuked in "Empires and Allies" and that didn't turn out so well. This might be worse...

   i like my own posts for psychological manipulation of you, also cuz I do like them

   An error occurred while not trying to add your sorry a$$ to my database. Please try again later.

   let the music go...out the window...kinda day...:)

   If you're close minded. Blind fold yourself as if there's nothin more to further see

   Kim Jong II is dead & things aren't looking so hot for his official lookalikes either.

   Whenever I give blood, I always assume that most of the workers are vampires and Wesley Snipes will be busting in at any moment.

   If you live each day, as if it were your last... then one day you will most certainly be right.

   Wait come back, I didn't mean it when I was just being myself.

   I can't tell what's currently doing worse, my love life or my bank account

   Get chased down by 83 angry wasps or replacing your toilet paper with steel wool. You choose your awesome Sunday adventure....

   True STORY Dr. Kellogg introduced Kellogg Corn Flakes in hopes that it would reduce the urge to touch your own happy place. I must be eating them the wrong way.

   she said she was getting close to 40 and I ask from what side?

   Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might actually just be thirsty. So have a few beers first and then see how you feel.

   What I do when I'm black out drunk is none of my business.

   When you have a strict German wife and a questionable lifestyle you often have to explain to the guys how you "fell down the stairs" again.

   I tried being myself once... I got arrested.