Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to addiction 

   The price for fags have been increased by 37p. One Direction tickets now cost £40.37

   longing for the 80's. Long hair, long guitar solos, long pubes...

   ..maybe if Heavy D would of been Slightly Chubby D he might of lived and loved a little longer ;)

   I mistook a flash flood warning for a neighboring town as a “flash mob” announcement. So, when I showed up for it, I looked stupid. And my shoes got wet.

   Re: "there are only 380 million Americans" .....yes there are.... And we still RULE THE WORLD!!!

   i taught that if I made my self a few gay friends, they would have given me fashion tips.... instead they just fu*ked me .

   Use Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on e-bay?? I put in a bid for a "Mickey Mouse outfit" and now it seems I am only 15 minutes away from owning the "Saints Football Team"....

   FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS ARE AS FOLLOWS: * Wake/Viewing will be on Thurs., June 17th, 6 pm.* The funeral and burial will be at The Staples Center, 111 S. Figueroa Los Angeles, Ca. 90015..* Special invited guests include K. Bryant, D. Fisher, R. Artest, P. Gas

   Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me?

   I guess the Dead Poets Society has a new member. (Too soon?)

   the epitome of excellence.

   Stuck on Band-Aid brand cause Band-Aid Stuck on me.

   Likes to dress like a gangster, drop my pants low, throw the ray bans on, have my face screw, and sing the hyms of the church while walking past ppl in grocery stores jut to freak ppl out kml

   Say alpha...Kenny...body... now say it all together and fast!! OMG! Ur disgusting!

   south africa is the only country that will host a world even in a sport they cant play

   Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, � ��Lie to me!'

   i got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes, hate in my heart, love in my mind

   Yeah, let me get this right, a guy name Samson gets his super strength from his hair? Is this what rational people actually believe? Sounds like a bad hollywood movie idea with Michael Bay production values.

   he can't pull a rabbit from a hat , but he can pull a hare from his hole