Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a lot of the ladies at the office have choose to dress Slutty for International Women's Day...that's what I believed anyway.

   I betshe gives great helmet.

   Glad to see Walmart is holding it's March Madness sale...too bad it's on teeth & everyone is down to their final four.

   if I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was right, I could get it changed into pennies & swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck

   Fuzzy navel is supposed to describe a drink, not your dates belly

   remembers when pink slime was something seen on Nickelodeon

   I feel so threaten by the news anchors....Now that they all starting to where Hoodies to report the news.

   Being a Care Bear must be exhausting. How can anything care so much about everything? It's not possible!

   Some people don't always get asked out on a date. But when they do, it's usually on April 1st.

   We hate what we do not understand. I'm not really sure what that phrase means, but it's stupid!

   Every trip to Wal-Mart results in me seeing an equal number of people I THOUGHT were dead and I WISH were dead.

   You can fix everyone's problems, but when it comes to you, you're lost.

   Anything worth doing at all, is worth doing right.

   Yo momma is so buff, I let her dry my car off.And may I add; her work ethic is impeccable!

   over Super Models, New Niche, Lingerie models

   Soul Train? I don't think this means what you think it means!

   Where are my beads?? I guess I'm only giving "Pearl Necklaces" this year!!

   So many ugly watches, not enough time!

   King Kong has everything on me!

   I have a telescope in the peep hole of my door, so I can see who's at my door for 2 miles…..who is it???? Who's it gonna be when you get here….:)