Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I can't believe I'm still pissed off the the NBA title went to Canada. 
It's sad when the best looking girl from Texas happens to be Sandy Cheeks from Spongebob Squarepants.
Whether you order a six-inch or a foot- long, both you and your sandwich artist are thinking about diks for at least a second...
My labrador Retriver chewed up my TV remote controll. Now every time he farts the TV turns off.
Nurse: strip down to your underpants Me: ok *removes pants to reveal second pair of pants*
Raffling off my $600 stimulus check $20 a spot 50 spots available direct message me if you’re interested
I lost my watch at a party once.An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party.Infuriated, I immediately went over,punched him in the face and broke his nose.No one does that to a woman,not on my watch
Can you give someone a skin graft from your butt
Ass skin for a friend.
If you're alone on Valentine's day to feel better just remember how for the love of a woman St. Valentine was in imprisoned then beat to death with clubs!
I believe the only way to save Hawaii is to sacrifice a Michigan and Alabama fan to the angry Volcano.
What type of car does an electrician drive........ A Volts-wagon.
A homeless man asked for money today and instead I gave him my thoughts and prayers. We had a good laugh until he gave me a concussion.
Hot dogs, peas and applesauce, hum hum.... Hot dogs, peas, and applesauce, hum hum.
If the cops lied about me on 17 different accounts during their investigation, I would be found guilty too.
Happy Valintimes, as I love you more then I can express on a website sent by means of a plastic artificial intelligence device <3
The pubs in Ireland are closed until Aug 10.
Pubs in Ireland.
So by all means lets open Cracker Barrel right now.
Rocky is my favourite movie about beating meat
Latin is like zombies. They're both technically dead but still influencing society.
Sluts are like Gary; they only like you for the cookie in your pants.
"See I don't understand me...My plan is to win your heart before I win the GRAMMY". :D 