Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How do you know the Native Indians invented the toothbrush ?..Because if the white man did it would have been called the teethbrush

   A late Valentines Day card fell onto my door mat this morning. I put it straight in the bin because I knew exactly who it was from. It was my postman, I saw him down the driveway, only seconds later.

   I hate when I remember I'm not American and have to work tomorrow.

   in the studio with Chris Brown making new 'beats' for his album.

   Street Racing is like Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still a retard.

   Please read! URGENT! FACEBOOK VIRUS ALERT. An email recently went out to women asking them to post the color of their bra. THIS IS A VIRUS. To fix it, you must remove your bra, then go to Settings>Enable Webcam> Record Movie> Send to me ;) lol

   I'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing with my life. It's an Oughtobiography.

   I wish black folks would stop looking to the academy awards and other white based award shows for validation--i dont even watch that bullsh**. I'll take the NAACP Image Awards and other prestigious black awards that validate black talent anyday over the o

   Teachers: Want to motivate your students? When you give them back a failed test, staple a Burger King application to it.

   Next time the bank calls me to tell me I’m overdrawn, I’m gonna tell them “We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it”.

   I'm currently writing a folk song about bland pudding, it's called "That's Pudding it Mildly"

   2016 claimed another one...RIP Rhonda Rousey.

   Difference between Canadians and Americans Canadians say . How you doing eh ? Americans say . Hey how you doing .

   It's not likely that any of you have ever heard of the Fugawi Indian Tribe. It was a lost tribe that spent their days wandering the plains, endlessly chanting, "Where the Fugawi?"

   Fellas.. got itchy balls? Use Vicks vapor rub... your welcome

   Ivanka Trump, the latest to join the cast of the confusing reboot to The West Wing.

   Nurse: strip down to your underpants Me: ok *removes pants to reveal second pair of pants*

   Raffling off my $600 stimulus check $20 a spot 50 spots available direct message me if you’re interested

   I lost my watch at a party once.An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party.Infuriated, I immediately went over,punched him in the face and broke his nose.No one does that to a woman,not on my watch

   Can you give someone a skin graft from your butt Ass skin for a friend.