Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Dads tell cheesy jokes not because humor gets worse with age, but because the more life experience you have, the more value you place on anything that might make someone laugh, even if it’s at your own expense.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This recipe calls for leftover bacon, and it might as well call for dragon tenderloin or bigfoot steaks.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grocery shopping is a constant battle between not buying snacks, so you won’t be tempted and being angry that there’s nothing to eat.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was born a male and I identify as a male, but according to Stouffers portions, I'm a family of four.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Australian Kiss ~ Kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
←Rate | 06-23-2022 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What does the sign on the out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is only one way to avoid criticism: Say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.
←Rate | 06-27-2022 03:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I grew up with six siblings. That's how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop trying to please people who don’t like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they’ve ever met. 😊
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, “the vibes are off” isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 00:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cats are starting pyramid schemes and dogs are falling for them.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 23:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don’t lose friends. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tell your girl to shave her baby maker and you wake up bald.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just heard my knee crack so loud, I expected it to glow in the dark.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 13:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:54 Comments (0)  




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