Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6 of 6325

Don’t you hate it when you ask someone what time it is and they’re not wearing a watch, but they look at their wrist anyway and say, “it’s about a hair past a freckle.”
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01-06-2023 01:39
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If I yelled “Bingo!!” but refused to let you examine my card, would you give me the prize anyway?
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01-06-2023 19:07
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The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
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01-04-2023 02:42
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If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.
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01-10-2023 02:21
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I’m busy right now, can I ignore you later?
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01-19-2023 04:08
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Forest Grump: And just like that, having classified documents was perfectly acceptable. 😆
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01-23-2023 02:47
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If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas!
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01-06-2023 00:54
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When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
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01-08-2023 14:50
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Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.
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01-08-2023 17:20
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Cats are my favorite animal, because no matter where you fall on the food chain, a cat will smack the crap out of you.
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01-10-2023 02:29
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It’s called a joke, we used to tell them before people got drunk on soymilk.
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01-08-2023 15:07
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You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.
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01-06-2023 19:34
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My favorite part of winter is when it’s over.
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01-06-2023 01:02
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Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain.
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01-23-2023 03:36
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Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”
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01-08-2023 17:21
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When you’re in psychology class and you learn about the disorder you have.
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01-08-2023 17:22
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If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to laugh about when you’re old.
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01-10-2023 02:36
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Amazonesia: When you forget what you ordered this time.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
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01-19-2023 04:10
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When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
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01-08-2023 15:25
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