Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Milk Milk Lemonade, 'Round The Corner, Fudge Is Made

   I got 99 problems, and "Honey Boo Boo" tops the list!!!

   Rubbing one out thinking about Wall-E and EVA in the throes of robo-love

   PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Don't text and walk at the same time! Trust me, that street lamp... is closer than you think!

   Doctors handwriting: ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏. What I see: ǽ₮∂￦￡. What the pharmacist sees: Aspirin you dumb ass.

   If we were going to give this planet an enema, we would stick the hole right here in the United States.

   Why are women like clouds ? Because when they **** off its usually a nice day

   For the whole month of November I'll be starting a new business. I'm going to give out free rebound sex to all of the heart broken females out there. I know.... I know.... It's a dirty job but somebody has to do it.

   It's a sad situation when a fat girl does her best to lose weight only to discover that even with her new slim body, she is still unable to attract boys.

   Thinks Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, can make boneless meat ROCK HARD!

   Angelina Jolie getting a double mastectomy to reduce the risk of breast cancer is like me cutting my junk off because I might bet blue balls

   ''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' - Jesus flirting in a bar

   What's so appealing about the confederate flag? I just don't get it.

   asked Santa Claus for a boyfriend this Christmas... He gave me a rain check instead... lol :)

   Roses are red My love for you is twisted Bend over my darling You're gonna get fisted

   What's that you say? I can't hear you over my free health care and worldly education. Douchebags!

   she is too tired to be clever for her status.

   obama hears a hu

   what with all this god stuff, Stop it . Get a life you must be a myspace person.

   a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect