Griff Funny Status Messages
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I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio.
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01-25-2012 09:52 by Griff
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According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
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10-19-2013 09:57 by griff
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When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
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10-19-2013 22:36 by griff
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hates it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. For the fifth time, I do not want to go to your cat's birthday party, freak. My dog is getting married
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12-07-2011 08:06 by Griff
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this morning there was ants all over my counter in the kitchen, I killed them all except one so he could go back tell his friends I'm serious about no ants in my house!
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05-10-2011 09:28 by Griff
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If Facebook gets any slower, I'm just going to jog to each of your houses and shout out stuff.
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01-25-2012 09:50 by Griff
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Please don't start calling me 'hero' but this lady collapsed at the grocery store and I was the first one to call for a clean up in Aisle 3.
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01-03-2012 06:20 by Griff
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I saw a charity appeal in the newspaper the other day, and it read “Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water”. And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.
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05-11-2011 09:06 by Griff
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Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ''Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?''
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10-19-2013 09:52 by griff
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Willow Smith is 11 years old and has a tongue piercing, half of her hair shaved off, and is claiming to be bisexual? Sounds like somebody needs to move in with their auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.
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07-29-2012 09:39 by griff
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If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
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10-19-2013 09:55 by griff
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Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
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06-29-2013 09:46 by griff
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I'm going to be the first person to walk on the sun...I know what ur thinking an I've got it all figured out...I'm going at nite
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05-09-2011 09:32 by Griff
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When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
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10-19-2013 09:59 by Griff
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If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
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10-19-2013 09:51 by Griff
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You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
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06-29-2013 09:43 by Griff
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only eats chocolate covered caramel because that's how I Rolo™
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06-29-2011 09:37 by Griff
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Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer. That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her ass.
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03-29-2011 08:46 by griff
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Do magazines really have to add "Alive" to "Sexiest Woman" or am I just grossly underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?
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07-29-2012 09:46 by griff
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Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
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06-29-2011 09:25 by Griff
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