Mike Funny Status Messages
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Last year for Christmas I got a sweater...this year I am hoping for a moaner or screamer.
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12-12-2020 18:31 by mike
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offering his new drink. It's the Bin Laden. It's two shots and a splash of water.
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05-03-2011 06:31 by Mike
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While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart
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08-19-2009 23:43 by Mike
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I put an "EBOLA QUARANTINE" sticker on my front door and now we don't have problems with salesmen, thieves, or neighbors.
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10-27-2014 20:58 by Mike
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You know it's resolution time when someone has to stop to rest on the way up the stairs TO the gym.....
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01-04-2010 13:46 by mike
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I love the Internet. Back in the old days, we had no idea how many ignorant people there are out there. Now, we've got a datapoint.
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02-05-2014 18:36 by mike
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thinking of celebrating Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way ...... I'll invite everyone in my neighborhood over to my house, have an enormous feast, then kill them and take their land.
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11-08-2010 08:26 by Mike
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If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
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06-17-2014 12:53 by Mike
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No matter how little I do in a day....I always feel like I could have done less.
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11-09-2009 23:58 by Mike
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Judging by all of the rotten-tooth smiles I see in this town, they should put the Fluoride in the meth instead of the water.
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04-29-2014 09:03 by Mike
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If the government shuts down, does that mean all of the politicians have to get real jobs?
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09-30-2013 19:39 by Mike
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Today, I heard on the radio that Lucasfilm was working on a movie featuring Yoda. Can you imagine writing 90 minutes of dialog for Yoda? Insane the writers will be going.
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02-06-2013 16:41 by mike
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Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
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04-05-2013 21:04 by mike
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I’m going to start a band called “Free Beer”
because when people see a sign that says,
“Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM”
everyone is going to be there.
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02-01-2018 14:30 by Mike
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I wonder if Uranus is getting tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes?
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05-18-2016 08:07 by Mike
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Studies conclude that labs cause cancer in rats.
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05-29-2013 14:46 by mike
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Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman
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07-12-2011 15:45 by mike
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without me awesome is only aweso
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06-15-2009 16:20 by Mike
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Craigslist--the site where I can find anything, until I actually want to buy something....
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02-02-2014 10:03 by mike
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the most successful people are those who are good at plan B.
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03-17-2010 20:28 by Mike
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