Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   B*I*T*C*H - Babe In Total Control of Herself

   Barbie is going to be so happy. She is getting over the fact that Ken comes in a different box.

   When people ask me if I want to stay on their friends list I just send a short message saying "Don't Taze me Bro"

   Unfortunately for The Donald, he can't fake a Foot injury to get out of this war.

   don't forget, I'm also just a girl; dressed upas a slutty nurse; standing in front of a boy; dressed up as Donald Trump; asking him to finger bang her in the alley before she sobers up.

   If Hillary wins, all public government announcements will begin with: Ladies, Gentlemen and Trannies....

   CNN has confirmed the intercepted communication was a call to a brothel ordering a young lady willing to pee on an old man. The John was unnamed, but everyone could tell who it was.

   Donald Trump claims to only be 236 pounds. His pot belly, turkey neck and jowls plead the fifth.

   "How to tweet while on the seat" by guess who.

   Everyone over here doing the 10 year challenge while metaverse is doing the facial recognition challenge.

   Algebra is proof that humans create their own problems and then cry.

   I wouldnt want to live in the s**thole even if it was called Hati

   Four years has past and we's not alls rich yet. What in the moonshine happened?

   Why are there no professional ball scratchers? On behalf of men everywhere, let me say this... they'd make a fortune.

   I love Halloween, it is the one day of the year people don't question my sanity.

   Was thinking about ordering P90X, but I just had to take a knee midway through pouring a glass of sweet tea, so maybe I'll just go lie down instead.

   Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

   words of wisdom: a woman will ALWAYS have the last words in any/all argument(s) ... anything said after that, is the beginning of a new argument...

   Watch out. It's Monday. You'll probably step in some gum.

   Got down from my car to beat up the guy who took my parking space then I realized he's a UFC fighter so I said "does your car need washing?"