Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I be talking fast as hell at the gas station when I'm broke . . . lemmeget5on2

   not understanding why so many guys are wearing "TAPS" Tight-ass-pants.

   Can you still get a girl pregnant on a "pull out" couch?

   wifey material " = down for you through whatever , holds it down , support system , loving , faithful, & sucks you up whenever you want it

   No matter how bad thing get in life, I can always cheer myself up by thinkin. I could have the reputation of Michael Jackson.

   Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it

   S-International Sarcasm Society "Like we need your support"

   Wouldn't it be cool to have that magical magic marker for people that stores have for money?? Yanno, to see if they're real!!

   Had to fix something on my car and asked my mom to bring me the philips. She came back in less that 4 minutes with some Philips Milk of Magnesia. Some serious confusion has set in

   Vidal Sassoon is mourned by all the suicide blonde's who DYED at their own hands.

   Trump: “a great leader like me always keeps his opponents iin the dark”. Also Trump: “I think I’ll tweet a dozen times about my China trade strategy and exactly how it’s working”.

   You'd be surprised at how quick Home depot employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw...

   Girls love surprises until they get a finger in da butt...

   . If rocks are to be considered as rifels. Does that mean rock beats paper?

   Do you think a time travelling Villain travelled back to 2016 and changed the time stream so Donald Trump could get elected?

   I should of went to the store before I gone to bed but I was to tired and I went to their to early and I was afraid I would loose to much sleep.

   I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods.

   Guys, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be nice and wipe the seat.

   You can take the New Yorker out of New York, but you can't take the New York out of the New Yorker.

   America's enemies must be shaking in fear of this new "All talk, no action" approach to foreign problems. I mean Trump can really, really talk.