Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I heard an Old Guy exclaim, "This Country is going to H_LL in a Hand Basket !!!" I have to disagree !!! 1.) Can this Country Afford to Purchase a Hand Basket? 2.) If you go to the store they don't have them for sale.

   Ah, Portland. The Land of Port. I'm originally from the Isle of Long.

   Nothing excites me more than seeing my knife shine in the moonlight. Now I wait.

   I just cooked vegetables on my Foreman Grill....is that even legal....I feel dirty..

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   as now kim kardashian has decided to end her marriage, my earnest request to her to release her new se*tape to support last version and to keep going the process well.

   Give a Newt, Don't dispute.

   I hate ants but I love fire= Not a good combination for the ants.>:D

   "Is Kim Jong IL ? "No He's DEAD !!!

   swearing to myself at an elderly lady driving really slow. I guess someone heard me because within seconds bird crap landed on my windshield. Won't happen again, big guy

   I don't care if Noones likes me I'm still going to post while drunk :)

   It must be past the Celtics bedtime.

   "That's" - She.

   The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.!!

   I'm not calling her a sl*t. I'm simply stating that if her vag had a password it would've been password.

   3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove..."I'm a zebra."

   jus stole my bosses car, gonna put a swastika on it and drop it off in da hood

   "I could go for some yogurt!" - no man ever

   Why do men talk dirty? So they can wash their mouths out with beer.

   If I were working 4 the turkey bacon industry I would put a giant pig sculpture made entirely out of turkey bacon in Times Square.