Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   gonna surprise my husband by buyin a wig, thats right, my landing strip is now red..

   Do NOT take your kids to the dog and pony show in Amsterdam.

   Respect my inbox. Keep your drama out of my inbox.

   Every day you are seen is better than the day you are viewed.

   I have a thing for girls who have a thing for guys with a thing.

   The House of Representatives should be replaced with a mix of carnies, some Wayans, a few Pilates teachers, & the Oakland A's.

   I cut my foot and its turning black now, thanks to Mr. Deeds I know this is gonna be cool. If not, I'll go see Dr. Pepper

   Kiss me, I'm not Irish I just want the kisses.

   Maybe that's why Jada left Will...I think she knows Pac is comin' back

   Did you see that 3 pointer that Lebron James hairline just made ? What a way to close out the quarter.

   Went to the playboy mansion today got a real BUNNY..!!

   God must love stupid people- he made so many!

   If breakups never existed, the music industry would go BANKRUPT.!

   Nothing sums up the proud Mexican spirit like drunk blonde girls, in sombreros, chanting "Patron."

   i have a new friend who is deaf. It is great that she reads lips. I just wish she would stop highlighting my mouth every time I say something important.

   I think it's safe to assume that Nick Stahl is dead from an overdose and his body is probably out in the Nevada desert laying against a Joshua tree by now....I mean his character from Terminator wasn't too put together either.

   My teacher always said to me; " nothing is impossible!" He he I showed them, I've been doing it for years

   I give Mark Zuckerberg new wife 3 years ..before she files ..and walks off with $1billion..not bad if you can get it.

   I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

   My ex girlfriend looks like she hit a wall... And kept running into it over and over.