Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did you see that 3 pointer that Lebron James hairline just made ? What a way to close out the quarter.

   Went to the playboy mansion today got a real BUNNY..!!

   God must love stupid people- he made so many!

   If breakups never existed, the music industry would go BANKRUPT.!

   Nothing sums up the proud Mexican spirit like drunk blonde girls, in sombreros, chanting "Patron."

   i have a new friend who is deaf. It is great that she reads lips. I just wish she would stop highlighting my mouth every time I say something important.

   I think it's safe to assume that Nick Stahl is dead from an overdose and his body is probably out in the Nevada desert laying against a Joshua tree by now....I mean his character from Terminator wasn't too put together either.

   My teacher always said to me; " nothing is impossible!" He he I showed them, I've been doing it for years

   I give Mark Zuckerberg new wife 3 years ..before she files ..and walks off with $1billion..not bad if you can get it.

   I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

   My ex girlfriend looks like she hit a wall... And kept running into it over and over.

   You can never think of any changes or improvements to your essay until AFTER you print it out.

   standing outside with his pants down waiting for google earth to come take his picture.

   would avoid you like a redneck relative!!

   If it's consistency you're shooting for, it's pretty simple to disappoint all of the people all of the time.

   If there was a hero that saved people from awkward conversations, he'd be more popular than Superman.

   sitting on my bed wondering what the awful smell was.. then I realized my dog was right next to me.

   Santa must think my name is Cole.......

   very suspicious. didn't x-mas heppen about this time last year?

   I'm hearing Fight's breaking out over new pairs of Jordan's shoe at Mall's across the country. um...there's no punchline to this, just people getting punched in line!