Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   school sux more d than the girls that attend it

   I totally agree with the person above lets go to Wall Street with our iphones and record....those cops are gonna be on some Rodney King Sh*t

   there a market for a limo "General Lee" where you consume alcohol from a Mason jar and have direct access to a "Dixie" horn? One can only dream...

   sorry folks! All the tickets to the rapture have completely sold out. Better luck next time!

   could go to prison for the things he has typed into his notes app on his Droid

   heavy in the game like fatman scoop, plus I got a flow tighter than a batman suit

   Holy $hit look at Steve Stricker go! If I'm ever golfing and I say I'm at -26, thats not my score, it's how many balls Iost!

   Everything is better in slow motion!!

   If I poked as much in college as I do on fb, it would have taken me 8 yrs to get an Associates Degree!

   turns out "im fine" is girl speak for "im not fine"

   singing a duet with the fat lady singing "myspace"

   Archaeologists have discoved the site of Britain's oldest house. It is also believed to be the house in which the Stones first got togather.

   histogram - n. 1. A greeting card from ones gynocologist. 2. A cracker for a teacher of history.

   they should make a whiskey called May... jus for today

   closed captions are like reading a book, except this book rocks!

   Can I see my dream in 3D shades?

   Paedophobiais: a fear of children.....I knew there was a name for my condition! :)

   thinks the vikings this season is gonna be like watching a car wreck, where you know its gonna be ugly, but you gotta watch anyways...only with really old collector cars...

   QUICK!! To the Bandwagon!! (to Vikings fans, this blew up my profile with responses today!))

   has no one to play with, all of her imaginary friends are on timeout or grounded