Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cleft chins are just face camel toes.

   ordered new smart phone tonight. my old phone has been with me for about 6 years. it was a good phone but its time to put him out to pasture...i will miss you lg env. you were my best phone ever... Goodbye Lttle Buddy!!.

   This day thirty years ago, I gave the old excuse "My underwear are!".

   Grades don't measure intelligence, and age doesn't define maturity.

   I'd sure like to "Up" a "Ton'' of something in Kate Upton.

   im gonna get a tattoo to make my pen!s look like a broom...my gf SUCKS at cleaning

   To the person who put those three stupid messages using my ID... Your m0m's 0rg@sm face looks scary...

   So Microsoft buys out Nokia, exactly what is supposed to happen when a dinosaur buys a neanderthal?

   Hey baby you say you like it deep, hail Mary

   Rihanna isn't the prettiest girl around but I'd hit it...

   OREOS: First you twist it, then you....oh, it broke : (

   Why doesn't The Bible explain why a man's G-spot is in his butthole?

   Freckles are marks for every time you disappoint Jesus

   opening cerimonies=epic fail...they should have got larry the cableguy.

   The Surgeon General has declared that cigarettes can harm your children....... Fair enough. I'll start using an ashtray!

   Regaining my trust takes a long time. Like building a house or pleasing a fat woman.

   Apaprnelty hmoosxeulas aer brililnat at unscarbmlnig snetneces.

   balloons are so weird. "happy birthday, here's a rubber sack of my breath."

   Did you hear? Hurricane Irene is going to slam into New York City like Lindsay Lohan slamming into the sidewalk in front of a nightclub.

   The whole idea of april 20th puzzles me.. hitlers brithday? the columbine high school shootings? why celebrate tragedy? so many questions, so many questions