Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If a doctor ever prescribed you anti depressants its a great chance you don't need a FaceBook

   You know you're a redneck when you go to Walmart and take pictures of yourself.

   Nothing hotter than a trailer trash barbie

   you are like the drummer from REO Speedwagon...nobody knows who you are.

   If you aim right you won't disrupt her sight. Eyes are not cup holders for that stuff

   Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

   Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

   me and time are drinking buddies. Whenever we get around each other we get absolutely wasted

   ˙˙˙ǝʇıɹ ʇou ƃuıɥʇǝɯos ʇnq ˙˙˙ssǝןǝɹıʍ snʇɐʇs sıɥ ƃuıʇɐpdn sı

   Had my accupuncture appointment earlier this afternoon, I discovered that I had to pee after about the 10th needle was put in me

   I think I found the solution for the global warming...we can send that guy that I now, who's responsible of 65% of gas emissions on earth, to space...and the problem will be solved.

   thinks this world is filled with mistakes and regrets, but it's all a lesson. Learn from it.

   wishes diets would be easier....like a burger diet or a pizza diet...best would be alcohol diet....man I would dedicate my life to following interesting diets like that....goes without saying I meant if those diets help you lose weight....wow....god is u

   more bored than plywood!

   Oprah needs to buy everyone hot-tubs!

   can wait for my high school reunion, he is going to be so mad I stole his girlfriend

   I am not the man they think I am back home

   its alot of birthday's today on facebook, maybe I should fake mines to feel more important

   Those that say majority rules have obviously not watched the NBA.

   Noticed the guy in front of me making a right turn into a cemetery. Tried shouting at him that it's a dead end, but he wouldn't listen...