Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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just two away from a threesome last night... 
The confetti in times square, I bet that came from Edward Cullen farting.
It's been 120 days and guess who is still sober ? Ted Kennedy
̿̿̿ ̿' ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ this is a stick-up... give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
thinks we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with
wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT
"Grandpa's ghost hovers all around the house. It's scary!" "He's not dead! And that's his Hoveround power chair!" "Well, he smells dead."
A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a tiger wood...
It's amazing how a good a fat person can look... Once their skinny!
(Continued) DASANI (part of the COCA-COLA company) water bottles. After a long day of protesting they'll get in their CHEVY, FORD, GM vechicles powered by gasoline from EXXON/MOBIL, CHEVRON, CONOCO/PHILLIPS and will stop and eat at MC DONALD'S, SUBWAY, TA
♫ Jesus freaks, out in the streets, handing tickets out for God...♫
Contrary to popular belief, cats actually love water. You just have to set them on fire first.
Make sure to send prayers to people suffering from natural disasters, because if god didn't care while he was doing it, he surely will after
The only funny thing about jay leno is that he's going to die someday.
the wheels of the bus go round and round. And it's making me sick.
I couldn't sleep last night! He wouldn't leave me alone, I told him to stop I wasn't in the mood. He wouldn't listen he began exploring my body...I woke up with mosquito bites all over. I guess he couldn't get enough of me!
cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass...
ALL UR LIES you SAID, ' I love U' WAS MY FAVOURITE
thinking people need to quit quoting Steve Wright he wasnt funny the first 50 billion times we've heard it
Nickelback-Flash…..Why would Tiger Woods risk being seen at a Nickelback concert?......then again why would any guy risk being seen at a Nickelback concert? 