Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When it's all said and done, the world in Endgames was saved by a rat.

   Greta brought to you by who eles used blonde hair girls with braids

   Fun At The Office Tip: Eat an Easter egg on the Friday after Easter, then wait for the employees to start an office pool named, "What crawled up your a$$ and died?"

   Im offended by sexual terms. I think I'll post pictures on the internet of myself depicting a terr0rist group.

   I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.

   hey guys, lets see some of your best, it's so hot jokes.

   * Reverend mother has been constipated for a week. The nuns tried home remedies without sussess. One nun said how about I go out to a bar. The other nuns ask how will that help ? She said if I go and come back drunk reverend mother will sh*t for sure.

   To the people who are offended by this song...Well...let me tell you.. The Lady is a Tramp song by Frank Sinatra was a song written about my mother! Now,if you got a problem with thiat Then....Obviously that means you must have slept with her..

   I think Prince was hallucinating when he wrote "When Doves Cry". Has anyone ever actually heard a dove cry?

   I'm an elephant Circumcisionist! The money's lousy...but the tips are huge!!

   you Americans have it SO WRONG ON YOUR AIRPLANES. I'm just saying!

   Fun fact: Bruce Lee does not drink water. Instead, he drinks WATAA!

   My friend just told me that it takes three sheep to make just one wool sweater which I find amazing as I didn't even know that sheep knew how to nit.

   Remember at the stroke of midnight new years eve to lift your left leg, so you'll start the new year on the right foot.

   I can't stand little kids, I know I was once one. But seriously can't stand them...

   Went to a strip club last night. The women were super hot and the comedian was hilarious. I was laughing so hard.

   My wife was in hospital for a mastectomy, I told her to keep me abreast

   The real gems are the woman who knew Yoda before he was turned into a baby.

   bartender just now: the usual? me: you know it bartender: [throws me thru window]

   Always look on the bright side of life!....badump....badump....badump adump dump....Come on!... Always look at the bright side of life!.....