Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Confucius Say; To get rid of unwanted pubic hair, one must spit.

   ghetto word of the day: Israel "homie that watch is fake, nah man it this watch Israel"

   You know why lesbians are so fat...because there always eating out..!!!

   Initials and Acronyms. Casey Marie Anthony=CMA=Caylee's Murderer Acquitted

   The first time I ever removed my clothes in front of a woman, she smiled and said it reminded her of an old song. "I asked, "Let It All Hang Out?" She said, "No. The Itsy Bitsy Spider."

   I'm glad I grew up in an era where "active shooter" wasn't even an idea. I'm sad for today's youth where this is now a reality.

   How many tweets does it take to get to the center of attention?

   So the Canadian prime minister contacted Kentucky before the president did after the shooting. When did Canada become better than us?

   Quiet Riot is putting the band back together! First stop, Trump convention.

   Some crazy mofo in face paint and arm bands just crashed through the Pearly Gates and power-slammed St. Peter. Badass!

   Anyone know what position Michael Sam will be playing for the Rams? Tight End or Wide Reciever ??

   given your computer the Swine Flu Virus

   I say we should build a Multi-religion facility to appease all religions near the 9/11 site.

   I bet Jesus was pissed that he missed the whole weekend and then woke up on a Sunday when the liquor stores are closed.

   Just heard Mandela died in a fiery car crash...

   If your ex texts you, its probably because they tried to replace you, but failed.

   Who had a better Sunday, Phillip Seymour Hoffman or Peyton Manning???

   If you look at "OMICRON," add the letters "SETAGLLIB" and then remove the letters "NORCIMO," the remaining letters spell "BILL GATES." Makes you think, doesn’t it?

   "You can take my car! Just don't take my gas! - Me, to a carjacker.

   I just got flipped-off from a guy in a Smart Car, he almost tipped over his car