Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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"Days of Our Lives" could also be called "Men who dye their hair" 
What a beautiful day in history. A few thousand years ago, a chicken dressed as a rabbit layed the first ever Cadbury Egg.
hoping that all the Farmville crops are ok in Alabama....
i wish laundry was asexual so it could do itself.
We were at the shopping centre and I caught my reflection in a shop window, I thought to myself "F-k me I've lost loads of weight!" The girlfriend hates that nickname, but I found her eventually.
Ran into a fat guy with big sideburn chops. He looked like a cross between Chris Farley and Ron Jeremy.
it just me,or is Stevie Nicks starting to look like Johnny Cash?
I'm a fighter not a lover, but I will love for what I fought.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
Just gave all of my McDonalds ketchup packets to the hobo on the corner. What? He might find a dumpster burger later.
Producers say 2-1/2 men won't go with out Charlie Sheen, I bet that makes that other guy and that kid feel good.
WHEN I SAY "NO OFFENSE, BUT...." YEAH, I'M ABOUT TO OFFEND YOU.
Women. You can't live with 'em, and yet they're everywhere.
I neverr get jealous when I see my ex with someone else because my parents taught me to give my toys to the less fortunate
Alright ladies that b!tch and moan about men all the time....Either find a girlfriend or STFU and join in the game!! You're either with us or against us!!
Donald Trump insinuated that his election game is so “Trump tight”, that his supporters would let him get away with murder so that he could become the next President of the United States.
I am wondering what type of Easter eggs they are eating this weekend at Trump rallies....
My cat just jumped down from on top of the counter onto my laptop on the desk, opening David Bowie "Heroes" on iTunes. And now he's the coolest person I know.
Don't forget to Spring ahead this Sunday!
I wonder what America's bald-headed eagle could do to Canada's beaver? 