Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Who’s up for joining me for some couples counseling just to see how long it takes until the therapist realizes we don’t even know each other?

   Prison guards and security are just a waste of money. All prisons only needs walls.

   why didn't you discuss paymet of the wall Mr Trump? SOFTENING!

   "faithbook" -Mike Tyson "Racebook?" -Scooby Doo "....." -Whitney Houston

   ate too many easter eggs...now I got the squirts!!

   FB a place where you can quote anyone at anytime without any reprecussions at all !!! Abraham Lincoln

   I love a good hardy dump in the morning time....I can't stand a tiny turd tease...makes me feel like an underachiever

   Shout out to my girlfriend who's in the hospital with a severe case of nonexistence.

   has anyone spoken to bigfoot lately?

   "May your beer always be dry and your women always moist."

   You mat say one you go black you can't come back...but if you stick with good credit you won't regret it!!

   A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother's goodness deeper than the sea.

   hvng n nxpctd vwl mvmnt aiaueeeoeoee...

   Going to the homeless shelter today...not really sure if I want to adopt one unless they assure me that its housebroken.

   Every morning me and my dog play rock paper scissors to see who eats first today I finally ate first.

   Freedom and Human rights are more significant in life compared to science, innovations, modernization, self-righteousness and bigotry... Happy Martin Luther King Day America

   The greatest love of all, is the 8ball I've got in me...

   I wasnt that drunk man. Dude you asked a bum if you could bum a cig.

   tryen to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn jar to open!

   "Knock, knock," "Who's there?" "To.""To who?" "To whom."