Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Shout out to my girlfriend who's in the hospital with a severe case of nonexistence.

   has anyone spoken to bigfoot lately?

   "May your beer always be dry and your women always moist."

   You mat say one you go black you can't come back...but if you stick with good credit you won't regret it!!

   A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother's goodness deeper than the sea.

   hvng n nxpctd vwl mvmnt aiaueeeoeoee...

   Going to the homeless shelter today...not really sure if I want to adopt one unless they assure me that its housebroken.

   Every morning me and my dog play rock paper scissors to see who eats first today I finally ate first.

   Freedom and Human rights are more significant in life compared to science, innovations, modernization, self-righteousness and bigotry... Happy Martin Luther King Day America

   The greatest love of all, is the 8ball I've got in me...

   I wasnt that drunk man. Dude you asked a bum if you could bum a cig.

   tryen to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn jar to open!

   "Knock, knock," "Who's there?" "To.""To who?" "To whom."

   "Days of Our Lives" could also be called "Men who dye their hair"

   What a beautiful day in history. A few thousand years ago, a chicken dressed as a rabbit layed the first ever Cadbury Egg.

   hoping that all the Farmville crops are ok in Alabama....

   i wish laundry was asexual so it could do itself.

   We were at the shopping centre and I caught my reflection in a shop window, I thought to myself "F-k me I've lost loads of weight!" The girlfriend hates that nickname, but I found her eventually.

   Ran into a fat guy with big sideburn chops. He looked like a cross between Chris Farley and Ron Jeremy.

   it just me,or is Stevie Nicks starting to look like Johnny Cash?