Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   likes his women like he likes his whiskey...15 years old and mixed with coke

   White privilege is how Amy Winehouse was considered a misunderstood soul and Whitney Houston was considered a crackhead.

   Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement? Is my statuses your drug? Huh your drug is my status your drug? Because your status is my drug huh your drug? huh your drug is my status your drug?

   HD Ready

   LGBTQ = Let's Get Biden To Quit

   A cashless society was predicted in the Bible. It was written in the Book of Visa.

   Interviewer: your resume is very impressive, but what would you say is your biggest weakness Me: lying on my resume probably

   West Virginia is just Virginia's white suburb...

   When they heard about his visit to the hospital, hell immediately started to construct a wall.

   Spicer can't concentrate long enough to intelligently discuss the holocaust. He needs to improve his concentration. Do they have camps for that?

   Q: What's Better Than A Rose On Your Piano? A: Tulips On Your Organ.

   8 out of 10 people would rather destroy the planet than give up their jobs. Irony at its finest.

   I just had a bowel movement that was more forced than the interview portion of Jeopardy.

   There's a thin line between Nirmal and Crazy people , and that line is usually cocaine

   My wife, whose almost deaf wants a kid. She went to the doctor and he said she has a fissure in her uterus and if she had a baby it's be a miracle. She thought he said she had a fish in her uterus and if she had a baby it's be a mackerel.

   contemplating the beauty of the earth and finding reserves of strength, despite the knowledge that Humans are stupid creatures.

   time to stop draggin my tush (not literally like dogs do)...gotta get a move on

   I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job and I don't want it

   OK true story, a very good friend of mine has a patient that comes see her and his name is Mr. Nicewonger, I mean come on dude even Mclovin was more orginal than that.

   I decided the perfect gift for one of my friends a Chia pet!! lol..Why is it that Chia pets come on every commercial this time of yr but the other 11 months there never advertized on TV? Do they hibernate for 11months outta the yr or something?!?!?! Cha-c