Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There is no greater threat to world peace than an idiot running on the loose with a bible/Koran in his hand.

   They say fat people need love too. No they need a DIET!

   "Why would I want to thank a Vet when he cut my balls off?" -The Dog

   TV evangelest Billy Graham was admitted to the hospital yesterday after falling seriously ill. Don't worry though, all he has to do is send himself a couple hundred dollars, and he should be miraculously healed...

   It's so ironic that they keep calling us sheep, yet they're the ones taking medicine from the petting zoo.

   The two post down proves it. No matter how absurd it is, if Trump said it, the sheep will say it's right. At least I finally know the truth.

   how do you stop a RAVENS fan from masterbating? Paint it BLACK and GOLD he will never beat it again!

   overheard a Younger Boy yell "Girls Got Cooties!" I Laughed, And then I threw him a Condom."

   ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬♪♫ Rock On \,,\(^_^)/,,/

   can't find Sesame Street on his/her GPS, Do you know how to get to Sesame Street?

   Hey baby, whats your sign? Girl blushes and says: stop! Me: Oh, I thought it was slippery when wet.

   i like your teeth...yellow is my favorite colour

   Well guys, if you want to have a baby born on 11/11/11 better go home tonight and put the meat to her

   well a very, very heavy uh heavy der burtation tonight, we had a very daris darison, bite.. lets go hit taris tazen los tada bet dahadapet....there's no telling what you'll say when you have a migraine.

   Takeshi's castle is coming back to your screens live from Japan

   Great another "stand your ground" case ut of Florida....... We all know if you wanna kill someone go to Florida and do it!

   As an Atheist, When someone tries to hand me a baby, I say, "No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian..."

   "Tom Clancy - Dead at 66". I've not read that one, do hope it's as good as his other books

   Tim Tebow is fired the same day a NBA player announces he's gay. Cinco de Mayo must be coming up

   Hey Canada,,, This is getting kinda boring, how about you let US be on top for a change?