Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No one understand a bad hair day like I understand a bad hair day, I am currently rockin ruff and stuff with my afro puff!!!

   [Due to Improper conduct on facebook and writing randomly on walls, Facebook has removed my status bar ]

   concerned by the NBA champions LA LAKERS with Ron Artest thanking his "hood", Phil telling his guys to grab their loose balls, and Kobe doin work so much to get his man Phil back once again.

   For Sale: 24 pedigree pigeons, call 0161 123 1234 and ask for Tyrone......

   doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he has the Dos Equis Guy serve it to him in a dress

   Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

   Only one year away from everyone status' reminding us that we only have a few days left to live on Earth! It's not funny now, and it won't be funny then!

   the best gift is the one that keeps giving Thats why I bought my wife a stripper pole this year

   n Germany they are preparing for the crisis by stocking up with sausage and cheese. That’s the Wurst Käse scenario.

   Manwich Sloppy Joe Sauce is changing its name to Genderneutralwich.🥫

   I think there should be a constitutional amendment where if the president is impeached, they must be placed in a pillory and have actual peaches tossed him. L

   Why didn't the gay cop from "The Village People" save the day in that Orlando club?

   The NRA says what happened in Nice, France cld have been stopped if everyone in the crowd also had a truck

   Trump's smart, he doesn't pay taxes. Sniff. Russia, China and 400 pound people may be out to get us. Sniff.

   My theory is that Big Foot is in hiding because he's self conscious about the size of his feet.

   the only people who are against drugs are the ones who sucked at doing them!

   *whispers to the Internet*............. "Look what you did."

   Roses are red Violets are blue Give me your purse This is a robbery

   I'll sleep when you're dead.

   Watching Maury and the guy says " having sex with her is like having sex with a unsanitized diaper"