Paul Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Just found out that being a "person of interest" is not as cool as it sounds.
←Rate | 03-30-2011 23:16 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if my life would be better if I wrapped it in bacon?
←Rate | 04-12-2011 16:11 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know that song by Bruno Mars called "Just the Way You Are"? Did you know if you changed that lyric to "Just Get In My Car" it changes from a love song to a really scary stalker song??
←Rate | 02-21-2011 17:13 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you ever walk toward automatic sliding opening doors, hold your hand up, and as they open think, maybe, just maybe, the force is with you today??
←Rate | 02-18-2011 11:13 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you think having a fifth of Jack means something different to a cannibal?
←Rate | 07-31-2011 10:47 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon has the key to all of life's questions... but he'll be damned if he can find the lock...
←Rate | 01-27-2010 09:22 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't mind that my wife yells at me sometimes and tells me "You need to stop joking around so much and be more serious", I just wish she wouldn't do it when I am naked.
←Rate | 06-05-2013 18:19 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I type so badly that my auto-correct feature has a standard response of "WTF?".
←Rate | 10-03-2011 16:34 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon What the heck do you mean a can of Pringles is not considered ONE serving??!!
←Rate | 12-18-2011 03:34 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?
←Rate | 05-22-2010 08:24 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just found out that Oprah is leaving her show after 25 years. I didn't know that! How in the world could I have missed that? Oh ya, I don't give a crap...
←Rate | 05-24-2011 21:43 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't believe they've made a Taken 2...Liam Neeson must be an even worse father than Gerry McCann
←Rate | 09-18-2012 06:50 by Paul Comments (1)  

   messageicon Ever see a flower poking up through a crack in the sidewalk? The crack represents the troubles in your life, the flower is the possibilities.
←Rate | 07-21-2010 23:18 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why when you checkout at a liquor store do they tell you "Have a nice night". Is that not a given?
←Rate | 09-13-2011 19:56 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a sign on the lawn in front of a 7-11 the other day, It read "Stay off the grass". I thought it was a weird place for a "Say no to drugs" message.
←Rate | 03-06-2011 01:39 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my wife the best way to get motivated to lose weight is to try on the bikini she wants to wear this summer....She told me to shut up and take it off.
←Rate | 02-27-2011 23:50 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon who was the idiot who made umbrella handles out of metal? it is like making a shark bite suit out of meat..
←Rate | 02-26-2012 00:59 by paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was sitting in the store parking lot and noticed one of those "Smart Cars". I was at first thinking it was pretty cool until I saw the owner tying his Papa Murphy's pizzas to the roof.
←Rate | 03-16-2011 20:15 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!...WITH A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA!! Crap, didn't work.
←Rate | 03-03-2011 22:31 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon This weekend is either way too short, or I don't have enough Long in my Island Iced Tea...
←Rate | 03-27-2011 20:56 by Paul Comments (0)  

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