Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Being strangers, then friends, then more than friends, then strangers again.

   Using your phone very strategically when it hits "Low Battery."

   Remember when people use to say "duh, you owe me one"........What heck was the "one" you owe?

   Thinks Time Is Precious....Use It Wisely...

   next time someone with bad breath steps to you repeat the following.. " I dont mean to be mean but you need some listerine, not a sip not a swallow but the whole Damn bottle"..

   Look at the keyboard ... you and I are together - look underneath, it says JK. LMFAO

   Goldilocks was an illegal alien

   note to self: they all look the same when the lights are out,

   I'm shaking my laptop trying to figure out what's in the presents under my virtual Christmas tree..

   resolves to do the "Pull my finger" thing more in 2010. That's really what made 2009 one of my best years yet!

   nothing like a bowl of choclate icecream to soothe a sore throat

   You wanna have fun? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two

   that a keg in your back pocket? Cause I'd tap it

   took your survey, sent you a round, tended your garden, poked you, hugged you, and sent you 10 useless gifts. It's hard being a Facebook friend.

   IPhone 4 should have just came out on T-Mobile b/c they have one thing in~\..........Hello, Hello...../~common

   Woke up this morning on a hotel room floor laying on a make-shift bed I made entirely out of a tuxedo and towels. Still not quite sure where my pants are. God I love weddings.

   twying to twalk wiff twenty wemon dwops in my mouff

   going to live forever or die trying.

   handing out "damns" because so many people say I give them.

   Jack and Jill went up the hill, but Jack ran out of breath, undaunted Jill got up her will and she went down with Beth.