Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Brett Favre to retire today...IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!

   told this morning he/she look great today by a stranger, I felt great, until I realized they were blind

   loving Brett Favre's annual cover of the song "Should I Stay or Should I Go"

   preparing for school to start and the daily doses of Justin Bieber fever. Years ago it was Britney Spears and, yes, I wanted to hit her one more time. But with Justin...I just want to wrap a Silly Bandz around his hair to get it out of his eyes!

   Michael Cera, Jay Baruchel, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jesse Eisenberg and whinging Dev Patel (star of THE LAST AIRBENDER) are one dimensional, talentless and unattractive.

   This weekend, I forgot to set the thermostat ahead on my clock,,,, Mine's still set for winter...

   I want my hour of sleep back.

   Pandora just suggested that I listen to a preview of Nick Cannon's new album and technology has never made me this angry before.

   Do you ever wonder if the lesser known "So-so White Shark" has an inferiority complex?

   If you're happy and you know it, leave your wife.

   a lot of single women claim they're looking for "Mr. Right" so maybe I should change my last name to "Right"......then all these women will be wanting me

   Call me traditional, but marriage should stay between a woman afraid of being alone & a man who finally caves after years of her pressure.

   Just found a message in a bottle..... It read,, "I'm taking it all with me b*tches." - Sting

   "I just want a man who is honest, and will tell me what he is thinking" - Wishful thinking by women

   Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice,I'm made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine

   I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?

   If you find a kitten & it licks your face, it's your new kitten. I know this because that's how I met my wife.

   Hello? Hey, sorry for calling so late. It's Dorothy. From the internet. Facebook. Sorry, I just... was that status about me?

   So, that's $27 million for ALS research? Feels great!!

   Haters are like crickets… they make a lot of noise!!