Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Jason Collins needs a bubble bath

   Remember Hey Arnold? Rugrats? CatDog? Rocket Power? Kenan & Kel? The Amanda Show?… When Nickelodeon made sense.

   Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?

   A man came to my door and asked if I would make a donation to the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

   Suicide bombers invented blow jobs.

   Does it still count if we only went half black??

   Tonight I saw a man pull the stick from his corn dog and eat it without the stick. It was me. I did that. I am capable of anything.

   I think Rudolph's wife was named Olive... Like in "Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names."

   Once again this year, Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells.

   I think people should make New Years resolutions for NO MORE SELFIES IN BATHROOMS, Seriously you and your toilet are not sexy

   The movie HOME ALONE would never work now. What kid is going to look up from his smartphone after 10 hours and realize no one is around?

   i only eat nature valley granola bars in the beds of my enemies.

   hey when does special Ed classe begin this fall for you anti-trump bashers?

   Can't wait, after Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday's Trump fiasco, I'm so looking forward to SNL this Saturday. It's going to be an awesome show.

   I just started a GoFundMe page to buy Michelle Obamas freedom

   The majority of people who are outraged about Benghazi can't even find Libya on a map. Or knew that Benghazi is in Libya til they read this.

   So I wonder if George Michael woke anyone up before he go go'ed, I know he was not planning on going solo...

   didnt find her way to the top of the food chain, only to get taken out by a cucumber!!!!

   If I would lose everything in a hurricane, tornado, flood... I know my friends would be there for me... then I would have lost nothing... everything else is just stuff... ~R~

   dreamt he wrote the Lord of the Rings last night...seems I was just Tolkien in my sleep!